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So This is Christmas

As we near the day of...Christmas...I'm going to take you all on a mini-autobiography...a mini-auto, if you will...what has made me tick...over this almost 7 decades of celebration of the day...well, at least the season...what inspired me to do this?...what I wrote about yesterday...Dolly Parton's view on 'Being home for Christmas'....

My parents were teachers out at a boarding school in Oregon...that was established by the Federal Government for 'Indians'...starting back at least in the early 1900's...the concept was to make them 'Indians' more like, er be like, the conquerors...white...in fact, my parents were products of the schools themselves...here's the rub...I didn't know I was an 'Indian', too...they never talked about it...and I didn't ask...

The employees of the school all had housing available for them...I'm sure at a great rate...and most everybody who worked there, lived there...it was a great place to grow up...the religious part of this...my mom was of the Episcopal Faith, as her dad was a minister of the same...and my dad had none...however...she couldn't drive a car...couldn't see that well, either...ha ha...so for her to go to church, either dad had to take her...or, as the elder kids grew, they could...

We did make a big deal of Christmas...but in the 50's...when I was a kid...money was scarce...like most everyone else...but I got into the idea of giving...I would raid our pantry and find things that would 'fit' for everyone...I'd wrap them up and be so proud that I was giving...I know they would make fun of me..."let's see what Pete got us this year!"...like a jar of jam...or a bottle of Old Spice...the list went on and on...my mom would belly laugh...

As far as receiving...I never knew what I was gonna get...I was sure that I was going to get something...nobody ever asked....and...we never opened the presents until the Xmas morning...man, I can still recall...NOT SLEEPING!...figured that if I ever did my own thing, we'd a open 'em in the eve...so the kids could sleep...ha ha...

Somehow over time...I have developed this thick skin...as I appear to be so strong...fact is, I am very soft inside...and I am a crier...you WOULD never see me do so...in fact, as I was lying in my bed, thinking about what to write today...I was weeping like a baby...remembering...

I miss my parents, as they are long gone from this earth...but not from my mind...EVER...and knew when it was my time to parent...that I would do my own version...they, never used the 'I love you' thinger...didn't have that part of their mantra...we KNEW they did...as they gave everything they had for us...I could give you more...but, enough of this...

When we had our baby born...there hasn't been a day go by, that we don't say 'I love you' to him...but, it is no different a feeling than when I grew up...back then...maybe, a bit warmer...

So what does Christmas mean?...to you, it may be the birth of Christ...if you are religious...it may be other things to a lot of people...it may mean the 'gathering of family'...it could be times of sorrow and the opposite, happiness...to me...it's the time of a lot of things...and oh my, the awesome music...so inspiring...mostly, that I am thankful for what I have...and the lights and tree...are symbols of joy...then why am I sobbing?...

Cuz it means more...it gives us time to ponder the past...what has transpired before us...and with the giddy feeling of the oncoming day...that you can rejoice in the newness that is upon us...sure, that can be religious...but, it can also be that we are in a good place...and there is promise for more...you see...I see it as...HOPE...

I used to teach this one word that meant so much...think about this...ANTICIPATION...what is going to happen next...no better word...

You didn't know the Horse was so deep, right?...or so soft...hey, enjoy YOUR season...please...

9 days of shopping left...

Comments

Barb said…
Priceless Pete. And why do I have tears in reading this...gratitude and joy for starters. Big hugs to you both.
December 16, 2016 at 2:24 PM
Crazy Horse said…
Thanks Barb...this is what I am...I'm sure you have stories, too...my one that really got me...when my mom was near her death...and the end was imminent...I looked at her and told her "I love you, mom"...she smiled and said her last words, "I know"...
December 16, 2016 at 3:11 PM
Anonymous said…
Wonderful story thanks for sharing this about your life. I have heard so much over the years abt the boarding schools (an old boyfriend works for NICWA and know others that work in "Indian country" or spent some time @ the boarding schools), most stories have been so happy - this was good to hear for its goodness - that some families were there together is good to hear! There seems to be a lot of tears shed over the holidays - a time for remembering.... Peace to you! ~ K.Mattson
December 16, 2016 at 7:54 PM
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